THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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