so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
