I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
