The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
