I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
