im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
