my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this hospital has no fireball
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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