hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
