I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
