Me. At least after what I've been through.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
