I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
