when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
