don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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