it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
