I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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