Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
