Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize