Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
