i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
