it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
