eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
