i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
