I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
