sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
