i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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