hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
