I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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