you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
