Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
