This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
