i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
