Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
