On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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