i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
