How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
