They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
