Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
