like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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