You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
