every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
