when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
