We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
