Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
