I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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