So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
