Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
