You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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