If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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