Where is the hickey?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
