i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
