Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When are your genitals available?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
