Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
