I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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