Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
