So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
