don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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