I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
