I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
