never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
