I'm lost and stupid without you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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