I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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