lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
